Napkin Notes Cookies

Guess what I received today? Napkin Notes cookies! A special thanks to Joel Weinberg for this incredibly thoughtful and tasty gift! 

A note from Brazil

I received this fantastic email from a new friend in Brazil this week: 

Dear Garth

I have just been his book, "826 notes of love for Emma" (name of the book in Portuguese), at the moment I have no words to express how much did me good. I can only thank him for sharing his love story with his family. I hope to write more soon.

*Sorry my bad English.

Um grande abraço do Brasil

Bruno Francischini

What a fantastic note to receive in my mail!! 

http://www.amazon.com.br/gp/aw/d/8544101240/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1417792197&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165 

Sharing

I was officially diagnosed with cancer three years ago today. I had undergone four scans and the results were solid. I had a 13cm tumor growing on my left kidney. I was scared. I was more scared than I ever had been. I didn't have any idea what to do and I felt as if my life was spiraling out of control. 

I really wanted to gain control over the situation. Even if the results were going to be lousy, they wouldn't be lousy because I sat back and did nothing. 

I started sharing. It was simple at first. I simply said, "I have cancer." 

I immediately started connecting on a different level. I was a cancer patient. I needed help. I needed information. I needed a cure. There was a sense of urgency. I had only three weeks until my first scheduled surgery. What would happen after that? Where would I go and what should I do? 

Along the course of my treatment and growth as a patient, I turned the tables. I didn't even realize it was happening. I started hearing more people say, "I have cancer. I don't know what to do." and I tried to help whenever I could. I needed less guidance and could provide assistance instead. 

Today I am here to share something that is very important to me. I have a potential treatment in front of me that is the only statistically proven treatment to cure kidney cancer. The challenge is that it works less than 10% of the time, much less. I asked my Dr what makes a successful patient? What are the qualities that would allow us to reasonably deduce I might have an 80% chance of success. (On a side note, this treatment is incredibly toxic and death is a common side effect. I really want to know it has a good chance of success before I get on to that table!) 

With a sense of defeat, he replied, "We don't know." 

What?!? This treatment has been around for over 30 years! We don't know what criteria makes a successful patient? That's utterly insane. 

We need to share more medical data. There is no excuse for me having to guess or play pin-the-tail on the donkey with medical choices. 

I am a member of PatientsLikeMe (www.patientslikeme.com) and I am committed to leaving a medical legacy for the next patient. I want to help the next person diagnosed with kidney cancer. 

PatientsLikeMe is kicking off "24 Days of Giving" on December 2, Giving Tuesday. We're encouraging you to donate your time, talent, or treasure to your favorite charity. If you are a patient with a chronic condition, you should also donate your medical data. 

If patients and doctors had donated data over the last 30 years, I might be able to make a better medical choice. 

I use PatientsLikeMe to share my data in the hope that others living with cancer can learn from my experience and help fight their own battles better. When I donate my data to an organization that can aggregate it and see a pattern or meaning, I’m not just helping myself, I’m helping all of the other people who are living with cancer, and their doctors.

Save the next patient. 

My PatientsLikeMe Video. 

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Running

I think it's safe to say I loathe running. I've been running on and off for thirty years. I don't recall ever feeling a "runner's high." It's more like a "runner's nausea" or "Oh my Lord, I can't believe I haven't vomited, yet!" kind of feeling.

I started running long distances when I was in High School. My school (South Lewis Jr-Sr High) was small enough that boys only had two choices for fall sports: Football or Cross Country running. I never felt comfortable playing football. I felt I was too small and frankly, I didn't want to get hit and knocked down to the ground. I wanted to remain active and stay in shape for my sport of choice in the winter: Ski Team. So, I chose Cross Country and suffered for the entire season.

I ran. I was part of a team. I loved my team. I ran with the greatest bunch of people and I am glad to have had this experience with them. My team often carried me both mentally and spiritually. We motivated each other as much as a bunch of teenagers could. But, I loathed running. No matter how great my team was, they couldn't compensate for my hatred of running. Big Sprints, Hills, and distance training. I hated them all. As I think back, I struggle with coming up with what I hated most. I think I hated them all equally.

I showed up. I never skipped practice. I ran in every single meet. I tried. I ran. I never excelled. I was never going to be a world-class runner. I was in the last of the pack in every single race. Yet, I never felt like a loser. My team, my coach, even my school wouldn't let me think that about myself. No one was ever picked on for coming in last. Not once.

I even continued to run as an adult. I have participated in the Richmond 10k. I have a very competitive spirit but I'll never, ever run fast or finish in the top 50%. I must be broken in the head. Why did I keep doing this to myself?

Admittedly, it's a great way to exercise. I get it. My body generally responds well to this type of exercise. My mind, however, rebels against it. I'd love to be "a runner" but I will never, ever, achieve that status. I'll just be a guy who occasionally runs and hates every single step.

Why did I do this?

My High School Cross Country coach, Mr. Cliff Cranker, once wrote a recommendation letter on my behalf. I wish that I had kept a copy of it. It was kind and very motivational. I'll paraphrase and hope to encompass the spirit of his words.

"Garth will never be a fantastic runner. He shows up. He tries his very best. He doesn't hold back. He motivates his teammates. He never gives less than 100% even though he knows his results won't reflect his efforts."

Running saved my life. If I hadn't been running after my dog, Noel, three years ago, I am certain I would have never experienced my first symptom. I was sick but had no idea that I was in danger. I would have never visited the doctor afterwards. I would have discovered my cancer much later, if at all, and it may have been too late for me.

How many of us have a futile battle ahead? How many of us have seemingly insurmountable obstacles? How many of us would rather choose to throw in the towel? It's easier to not try, especially when the odds are stacked against us.

I'm here to say sometimes the results don't matter. Sometimes it's the struggle and how you approach that struggle that matters most. Don't give up before you take that first step. Don't let your mind talk you out of starting, even though you are staring at the impossible.

Sometimes you don't have to win to be successful.

I'm going to go grab my running shoes. I'll see you on the trails.

Clichés

God never gives you more than you can handle.

Really? Really?!?

I have been diagnosed with cancer four times. I have had two surgeries. I have nine scars across my abdomen. I take medicine that is absolutely destroying my body. Either He thinks I have the strength and tenacity of a superhero or that saying is absolutely wrong. (I'll give you a hint - there are no capes in my wardrobe.)

I have joked about God and Noah. "And God said to Noah, 'Make yourself an ark of gopher wood.'" and then described the dimensions and construction layout for the arc. He was also kind enough to share the fundamental purpose of the arc with Noah. Noah "did all that God commanded him." Did Noah sit around and wonder about this? Did he over analyze it? No. He got to work and built the darned arc with a sense of purpose. We don't know if he had ever even picked up a hammer before this project. He just got to work. Quickly.

Did God give him more than he could handle, or did he push him up to his limits and beyond?

God never gives you more than you can handle.

That's utter BS.

But I never had a good answer, until the other day.

A dear friend of mine, Steve, shared with me something he had learned, and I can't thank him enough. I desperately needed to hear what he had to say.

At a recent Sunday night youth group worship, our youth pastor was talking about Christian cliches, specifically "God won't give you more than you can handle."  And he point-blank, nearly shouted, "That's a lie!! He will ABSOLUTELY give you more than you can handle. The bible is FILLED with stories where people were given more than they could handle!"  

Then more softly he concluded, "but He will never give you more than HE can handle."

Or as Father Dan said, "He has shoulders big enough to handle that."

Thanks, Steve. I really needed to hear that message.

Faith on YouTube

Available at Barnes&Noble in hardback and NOOK - http://goo.gl/hcxGuL 

Available on Amazon in hardback and Kindle - http://goo.gl/0b82T9

Available on iBooks - http://goo.gl/gfSQcy

Available at your independent book store - HERE

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You Gotta Have Faith

It's time.

I have shied away from talking fully about my faith and how it has transformed through my cancer journey. I have always believed that faith is a very personal thing. I am reluctant to bring it up in a discussion first. I need to get over myself because it's such an important part of my journey. I have felt God calling to me three times this year and he is clearly using me. 

Faith Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ym73e9iwKZM&feature=youtu.be 

When I was first diagnosed with kidney cancer in 2011, I was angry and bitter with God. I was mad, not for myself, but for the thought that I might be ripped away from my family. I was mad at the thought Emma might have to grow up with out her dad. How could I even begin to think this situation was remotely acceptable? 

I stayed away from Mass. I stayed away from my friends from church. I avoided any mention of God. I certainly was not a faith leader to my family. I didn't have the spiritual strength to do that and deal with my feelings surrounding my cancer diagnosis. 

I sat down with Father Dan after my 2nd cancer diagnosis. I wanted some insight to prostate cancer and I knew that he had some experience with that disease. During the conversation, he looked at me and frankly asked, "Are you angry with God?" Holy crap! How could I even remotely answer that?!? I was sitting in the priest's office. I couldn't lie and say "no" and I didn't want to say "yes" and commit blasphemy. I started to tear up, and a few seconds later the tears came down freely. He knew. "It's ok. He can handle it. He has strong shoulders." 

I slowly started to turn back to God. I joined the Knights of Columbus. Well, they invited me. God was clearly working through Terry when has asked me to attend a meeting. This group of men exists to help the church and other charitable causes in the community. It gave me an outlet to exercise charity. I was able to focus a little less on myself and a little bit more on others. 

1

In January, I went back to Mass. I listened. I really listened for a message. The gospel that day was from Matthew and told of Christ's walk along the sea of Galilee. He was calling to his future disciples. "Throw down your nets. Come! Follow me and I will make you fishers of men." What was God saying to me? What did he want. I thought. I prayed. I contemplated. I felt God was confirming my path. I was supposed to continue writing Napkin Notes and inspiring parents to join in. I was going to be an example for anyone that would pay attention.

2

Earlier this summer, I was in Mass. I was having a difficult time with life. My side effects were out of control and I felt awful. I was busy editing the book. I didn't feel like I was fulfilling my mission of inspiring parents to write Napkin Notes. Some of that was because it was summer and I wasn't writing many notes to Emma. As I sat in Mass, I clearly heard one message. God doesn't start something unless he plans on finishing. I took that message to heart and it fueled me. I was beginning to like this listening thing. 

3

I was having a rough day. I had too much on my plate. Emma had a volleyball match at 5:30 at a neighboring high school. I needed to join a conference call at 5:30. I planned on leaving work right at 5 so I could drive to the school, take the call in the parking lot and rush into the match. I would hopefully get to see the last game. I was feeling pressured and I hate not being present for Emma's events. 

I came to a stoplight and just let loose. I was so frustrated with my life. I couldn't handle everything. I started to pound on my steering wheel and prayed. "God, I need some direction and clarity. I have too much going on. I believe that Your mission for me is to foster Napkin Notes. If it's not, that's ok. But I need some direction and clarity, and I need it today." I had never prayed so directly. Not ever. 

Three hours later my agent called with the news - In a preemptive deal, New Line Cinema was optioning the film rights for our book, Napkin Notes. How could I not hear this from Him? Even someone as dense as me could hear this. 

I have been called. I get it. I am really ok with it. I know that my purpose has been chosen and I wholeheartedly embrace it. Pack. Write. Connect. 

Available at Barnes&Noble in hardback and NOOK - http://goo.gl/hcxGuL

Available on Amazon.com in hardback and Kindle - http://goo.gl/0b82T9

Available on iBooks - http://goo.gl/gfSQcy 

Available at your independent book store

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